This weekend I attended a hockey tournament with my husband, Kelly, who volunteered to coach a PeeWee A team this year. He coached for many years when our own children played youth hockey before our son played college and professional hockey; therefore, I thought I knew what to expect as a spectator and avid supporter of athletics for children. I was wrong because I observed situations that are quite different from the extensive hockey parent experiences I have had in the past, and am working to understand one major change I observed.

In light of Angela Duckworth’s research on the growth mindset, expectations for success with appropriate scaffolding improve outcomes for children. Children’s abilities are not fixed, and can dynamically trend upward when provided experiences where they have to “stick with it” when things get challenging. She explains that ability is not the only thing separating successful children from those who struggle. Her theory emphasizes the importance of “grit” as a predictor of success. Why is it then, that parents are running interference for their children to help them have advantages without providing them the opportunity to work through challenging situations? In fact, I actually observed one parent making notes of the mistakes a player, who was not her son, was making on the ice. To add to that newly observed behavior, I observed a team parent express negative information about a player to the other team to induce punitive actions against one of her child’s teammates. Why on earth would adults behave like this at an athletic event to support the growth and development of children? I wondered if child athletes were provided the opportunity to work through any challenges that they experience without their parents trying to “fix” things through confrontational emails, negative communication with others about children, and organizational threats sent to the adults who voluntarily coach their children. Shouldn’t all of these adults be working together to help children grow into successful young adults with greater skill and grit? I could not believe what I observed and think this unfortunate change in sports is a huge disadvantage to children.

I believe that children/teammates should be encouraged to communicate and workout misunderstandings together understanding the expectations defined by the coach and organization. The structure and expectations are vital to developing a common sense of mission and helping each child grow individually while working together and improving success for the entire group. As a classroom teacher and dean, I have seen successful applications of this pedagogical approach for decades and truly hope that parents begin to see the advantages that skinned knees can provide children in helping them develop into successful young adults who can work through adversity in healthy and positive ways.

December 7, 2014Leave a reply